Do we have any value?

I found this picture at postsecret.com. This is someones secret. Sad? The first thing I noticed about the picture is the words. If you check out many weight loss diaries on the net, they are all lonely women who place no value on their life, much like this picture shows. The most painful part about this person's secret is that she is thin. THIN! The cow is not FAT! I remember when I started this FAT journey in the seventh grade. I was not FAT!

10 Things I Hate About Being Fat!

1. Getting out of the bath tub is painful. It's kind of embarrassing actually.
2. When I smile, my chin also smiles.
3. My breasts feel as if they are going to burst from my bra. Not to mention I can't use wire because it cuts into my skin.
4. Grandpa comments loudly and rudely every time I see him about my weight.
5. I can't cut my hair short because I don't want my head to look like a basketball.
6. I avoid my skinny friends.
7. I know it's on every one's mind, how much weight I gained.
8. I have a new family, but I don't have a new family picture.
9. I am tired.
10. I usually think I am hungry and I love to eat.

SHAME

So, I wrote the last post and had two very delicious burritos while thinking about the fact that I have gained almost 60 pounds in a short time of around two years. I admit I feel shame about that. What has gotten me to the point that I just eat all the time. Yet, after reflecting for a minute I realized I feel shame about the food it must have taken for me to gain 60 pounds. However, I don't feel shame about myself. Overall, I feel pretty damn good about myself.

My Story

I got fat early on. In the seventh grade, I wanted to be a model but at 135 pounds I was told I was to fat. Now I would die to be a 135 pounds. How many times have I wished I could just go back and appreciate myself for who I am? I wonder if I will someday be 300 pounds and pining away for today's 224 pounds. I remember when size 14 was the perfect and size 16 meant I was a cow. I'd sure like to be that size 16 cow now! Anyway, I am starting this health blog, to encourage my journey.