Warning...Expletives...

OK here is the bad, the worse and the ugliest about my diet...

For some unknown reason, I just refuse to give up bad foods. 35 Flex points are a joke to me. I can eat 70 flex points just on chips and salsa night. That 70 points does not count the margaritas that go with chips and salsa. I even practice good diet management and ask myself if chips and salsa night will be worth it. Will I be happy with my decision after I've ingested it? Hell yes, I tell myself. Apparently, I am the biggest loser, oops I mean biggest liar.

...a few days, past chips and salsa night.

I went to the gym after not going in over a week because I hurt my hip. I have this pain in my ass (literally) from my butt to the inside of my knee which I think can even be felt near my ankle at times. Anyway, as I was working out I could feel the pain begin again. My heart started beating so fast, as I freaked out that maybe I'd never be able to workout again. Then I just started getting pissed at myself. I have let myself go in every imaginable way. I could die from over eating and disgusting nutrition. If I don't die from it, I'll certainly suffer a long time from it. I doubt I'd ever have hip pain I hadn't packed on so many pounds. I think I'm having a slow awakening. It's not all about looks or fitting into cute jeans. There are "real" health reasons that can/should motivate me.

I moved from the treadmill to the weight machines (which I did for the first time). In the background the radio is playing, the D.J is talking about reducing cancer risk by taking off all the pounds that you gained after high school. Wow! He used the example that even 11 extra pounds could increase your cancer risk. Imagine what my whopping 64 pounds does for my risk. I don't know what study he was citing, but the point was that I felt like someone was whispering in my ear a very important life secret.

...margarita night without chips and salsa. (with a friend)

My friend hasn't smoked in a couple of months. I haven't smoked in over 6 months. After a bad fight with her husband she picks up Margaritas and smokes and heads to my house. I wasn't even tempted to have a cigarette. I know if I have another smoke, I am headed to my grave much quicker than I am supposed to go. (My doctor has said that I don't have the lungs that can handle one more cigarette) I've created a lifetime habit that I can't ever imagine straying from no matter how much I loved being a smoker. My point is that I think I am having a revelation about my relationship with bad nutrition and my health. I get that my conviction about good nutrition has to become similar to the conviction I have about smoking.
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Never the less, I don't know what it means. Will I choose chips & salsa next week? I refuse to make empty promises to myself or to my blog reader friends. The only thing I know is that I am slowly feeling a change in how I think about food and health.