AN APPLE A DAY

mysizetendiet.com

2009-04-18T19:55:00.000-07:00

I don't blog here anymore. I am at http://www.mysizetendiet.com/. Please come visit me here.

Thanks,

Selma

2008-11-23T20:04:00.000-08:00

Five months since my last post...I'm not up, but I'm definitely not down. My weight is 210 which is 14 pounds less than when I started this journey. It's time to get down to business! I'm motivated to tackle what I feel is my addiction to food. I feel kind of stupid saying I'm addicted to food. However, I realize that I feel like I get a chemical high from the food I'm eating. In simplest terms, I get stressed, I eat and I am soothed, till I get depressed again about what I just ate. All that being said, I am following Dr. Phil's 7 keys, and I ready to continue on the journey, and this time to the finish line which is fifty pounds away.

It's All Part of the Journey

2008-06-19T06:53:00.000-07:00

Somewhere in three weeks I lost a little bit of drive which has left me up one pound from three weeks ago. However, I don't honestly fear that it is a real pound since I haven't had more than three glasses of water in three weeks. (eek) There is something good in this three weeks that has happened. In the midst of three really bad weeks, I never forgot that these bad weeks were just days within a much longer journey. This kept me occasionally working out and sometimes making good food choices. Now, I am back on track.

However, I think the track is a little different. I told myself in the past that core was a great program, and that I could eat like this forever because it's all about eating healthy meals until satisfied. What could possibly be wrong with the previous statement? It is, the one word, meals. I think I came to a stand still on this journey because I finally got sick of cooking.

Occasionally, I need to be able to open a can of soup or a microwave meal and call it a meal. I still plan on cooking healthy meals as much as possible, but I am not going to restrict myself from some what healthy choices like soup and low calories microwave meals which are convenient and make it easier to stay on track when my life is so busy.

Patience

2008-05-28T12:34:00.000-07:00

I have ONLY lost 21 pounds since January. (1.5 pounds this week) OK, I say that in two ways. The first way I say it is with pride and excitement. The second way echoes some of the frustration I have felt along this journey that began in January of this year. I have averaged one pound a week. There has not been many two pound weeks no matter how hard I worked. The way that I live with the one pound a week syndrome is to realize that this is a journey that is meant to be long. I have an inner sense of acceptance about the fact that it will likely take me to 2009 before I am anywhere near my goal. I am learning the fine art of patience. I have found that patience is something that can be learned, but it is something that constantly needs to be worked on. Joan Borysenko, PhD , is a scientist, psychologist, inspirational speaker, and author of Inner Peace for Busy Women and Inner Peace for Busy People says in a Prevention article,

"The prefrontal cortex of your brain inhibits impulsive actions and helps you make choices that ensure later success. If it's functioning well, you'll be able to walk right past that bowl of potato chips and wait until dinner to eat. But even if you'd normally grab the chips, you can retrain your brain. The nervous system has plasticity--it can create fresh neural pathways in response to new behaviors. So as you practice patience, you'll gradually develop the internal hardware to make it second nature. These suggestions can help you nudge your nervous system into a more patient mode."

My brain can create new pathways for more patience! Yes! This is vital information for this journey to better health. Perhaps someday, I will have the neurons that will keep me from stealing a bite of everything my children eat. Joan Borysenko, also points out that patience can be learned and fine tuned while we wait. Whether we are waiting in line at a bank or if we are on a journey of weight loss that may take a very long time, these are great times to develop inner calmness which can lead to living a more patient life. In a bank line, one might use deep breathing exercises as for inner calmness and outward patience. In the context of this very long journey I am on, I am using the wait time to feel more peaceful and more loving toward myself and others.

2008-05-27T13:08:00.000-07:00

I hope everyone had a great weekend. I spent mine at my parents. For the first time ever I stayed at a motel rather than at their house. I would highly recommend this experience. It made the visit a 100 percent less stressful than normal. Yet even with less stress, I still managed to break some major diet rules. Here's the exhaustive list: one snack bag of Doritos, a dark chocolate bar (the entire bar), one small bowl of ice cream and many fast food salads. Honestly, I did my best with a few treats included. I am only worried because of the fact that last week I lost (drum roll...) 2.5 pounds. Tomorrow is weigh in day and I fear the scale might show the chips and chocolate. On a good note, I did managed to get my walk in every day that I was there. Apparently I am punishing myself because as I type this I am eating a Taboule Salad which is quite low in calories and quite yucky.

Less Salt Zone

2008-05-15T12:31:00.000-07:00

When I used to drink margaritas, they were not complete unless the glass was rimmed with a ton of salt; and then I added a pinch to go right in the margarita. Also, I love to add salt to V-8 juice which is already loaded with salt. I feel myself pucker up as I imagine these tasty, salty drinks. Another favorite salty snack is to shake salt right on a apple. Fortunately, I have always had perfect blood pressure. This is how I excused this behavior. Lately, I've had some days with joint pain. I know that my joints only ache on the days when I retain water from the salt that I consumed on the day before. This led me consider some facts about salt.

According to a pamphlet from the Consensus Action on Salt and Health in the UK, salt strongly contributes to heart attacks and strokes. "Reducing your salt intake by around 2.5g a day reduces your risk of a stroke or heart attack by a quarter."

However, since I don't have high blood pressure, I do not have to worry about the health consequences of a high salt diet.

Not so, explains the pamphlet, people who have high sodium intakes have a higher risk of increased blood pressure as they age, and yet this is not the case in person's with low salt diets. Salt has also been linked to stomach cancer and osteoporosis.

As of today, I plan to reduce my sodium intake. A healthy measure of salt is about a teaspoon a day. I usually eat a teaspoon from the shaker in ever meal or two. Some high salt culprits that I may target include pudding, barbecue sauce, salad dressing, mustard, mayo and Ketchup. Also, I will shake a dash of salt at the table instead of cooking with it.

No Grazing Here!

2008-05-14T07:51:00.000-07:00

This morning, I was so excited to jump on the scale. I couldn't wait to rip off my clothes and see my three pound loss. In my heart, I knew it was going to be a great loss. Apparently, my heart forgot to speak with my body fat because I only lost a half a pound. This morning I wanted to scream! How could this be? Actually, I didn't really consider the question, "How could this be?" until after my shower where I threw the loudest temper tantrum imaginable in the privacy of my imagination. When I finally got around to asking myself what happened. The answer wasn't pretty. I have been grazing on my kid's food all day and every day. If they have a handful of crackers, I allow myself three. If I pour them a bowl of cereal, I take a few of the sugar coated peanut butter balls and pop them in my mouth. Any way, this week's goal is to stop eating a nibble of everything my kids eat.

Please? Inspiration?

2008-05-11T19:37:00.000-07:00

I am really struggling with inspiration this week. I simply do not know what to write about. I love writing. In fact, I used to write poetry on a regular basis, but I got a case of writer's block that has now lasted beyond months. I hope this doesn't happen with my diet. I guess that would just be another excuse to gorge myself on chips and salsa, and I know I don't need inspiration to realize that I never want to do that again.

I mentioned a few weeks ago that I was quitting drinking (for the time being). I don't know how long that has been, but it was a pretty easy thing to give up. The hardest is being honest about it with my husband. I think he would prefer for me to occasionally drink, and I have a hard time saying that I don't want to do it anymore. I just blame it on the diet. It's a good excuse with some truth to it. I figured out that those Margaritas were adding, at least, a pound and a half a week. Funny, but no matter how easy the weight went on, it's much harder to take it off. If I was drinking 1.5 pounds of calories a week, how is it that I only lost one pound this week? I don't get it, but math has never been my strong point.

So, I was working on this marathon walking plan that I announced last week. I decided that since I was training with a marathon walking plan, I might actually like to walk a marathon. On an impulse I asked my mom if she wanted to walk a marathon with me. She said yes! The truth is I really don't know if my body can do that. I want it to, but I don't know if it really can. In the mean time, while I wait to see if my body holds up, I am training to walk the Columbus Marathon on Oct 19th of this year.

Mother's day was great! I hope everyone had a wonderful mom's day. A few weeks ago, I got a new lap top that was supposed to be my Mother's day present. However, I managed to squeeze out of my husband a beautiful bouquet of flowers and a new golden retriever puppy. I got my gifts early because my husband was out of town. For today, I spent the day with my kids which was really fun. It was raining so instead of going to the zoo we ate dinner and played at Chuck E Cheese. Also, my daughter made me breakfast which was shredded wheat with soy milk. She must have put at least a cup of Splenda on it. (Yummy?) Also, she forced down a half of cup of real fat chocolate milk. She tied me to the chair, and poured it down my throat. It was rough!

Last year on mother's day, I was visiting my son in Guatemala. This year, we are fortunate to finally have him home. He's been home for almost 6 months. These last months have been a whirl wind of excitement and stress as he has adjusted to his new life. (and we have adjusted to having a toddler around) I think that all this diet/health stuff is wonderful because it gives me energy to handle him. However, in hind sight I wish I'd did this before he got home. He is both physically and emotionally draining. (In a good way--Good because I am glad that he is home)

In the next couple of days, I just want to focus my energy on staying positive, drinking water and fitting in all of my workouts. I missed a twenty minute one and I feel...I don't know what I feel about it since I am typing this in lieu of working out. So tonight I have learned that nothing is as inspiring as a missed workout.

Update: It's morning time, and I got up and did the workout I missed! Yea!

7 Weeks to fit the Dreaded Dress

2008-05-01T09:00:00.000-07:00

In almost 8 weeks from today, I am going to have to wear a formal dress. I'm not buying the dress till about 6 weeks from now. In the mean time, it's time to lose just a few more pounds. (I lost one this week for a total loss of 15.5 so far--slow, and sometimes steady) I scoured the Internet high and low for a workout schedule that I could use either at home or at the gym. I settled on this one from prevention.com http://features.prevention.com/walking/calendar/ It's seven weeks to a half marathon which is deceptive because the most that is required is a 7 mile walk at the end. I'm going to follow the schedule on workout times, but when in the gym I might count some of the minutes on a bike or elliptical trainer toward the walking times because I want to be able to make the most out of the gym. So, it may be 7 weeks to a half marathon, but I'd say it's 7 weeks to the dreaded dress day. (Perhaps the more I workout, the more I'll be able to muster up a little positivity for this whole buy a formal dress thing)

Before Picture

2008-04-27T20:36:00.000-07:00

Click Here for my Before Picture-I don't know why I can't get this to post here. I guess it's because I started this entry a month ago, and finished tonight.

Why do I make it so difficult?

2008-04-24T17:18:00.000-07:00

The good news is that I have not stopped eating healthy foods since I said I would five weeks ago. However, even with healthy foods; it is possible to have too much of a good thing. I know it sounds weird, but apparently I have figured out the fine art of hogging down on celery and carrots. It's sad, but true. Last week, I didn't lose any weight. I attributed it to my time of the month. This week, I have to face the cold, hard facts. I was eating beyond satisfaction. With this new healthy eating plan, it's essential that I stop when I feel satisfied. Last week, I always felt a little tweak in my stomach saying "ouch, you over ate". Yet, I ignored it thinking, how bad could it be since it was nutritious. I know with out a doubt, that is why I stayed the same for the second week in a row. Time to fess up, move on, and keep on trekking.

P.S.

I confess there was major disappointment after working hard all day to cook crock pot barley and chicken, only to find out that I was satisfied with less than two cups of this very hardy casserole type dish.

What I Want To Live For

2008-04-20T18:28:00.000-07:00

So on this journey to better health, I have come to the realization that it's also a journey to a better life. That is not to say that I don't like my life because I do love my life. I love my husband, daughter and son. What I want from my life is my total presence with in it.

That presence would be me. I want to be in my life, and fully enjoying it. This may sound weird, but I feel that I am called by a higher power to this new healthy life. (OK, now if this higher power would have cooperated with a weight loss this week-just stayed the same) All jokes aside, I have been asking myself some questions lately. They are how can I can be more healthy, more present and more prayerful in my life. I prayed about this, and came to a startling conclusion.

I think that I need to stop drinking. I drink two to three times a week, enough to dampen my energy for my kids the morning after I drink. On some weeks that means I am only fully available to my family half the week. Also, it means I'm unavailable to myself. What does it mean to be unavailable to myself? If I'm unavailable to myself, that means their isn't time for me to love this life that has been gifted to me.

So I am allowing for the possibility that I might not want to drink as much as I used to. I don't know exactly what that means right now. For now, it means I haven't had a drink in one week.

Dedication Not Deprivation

2008-04-10T06:12:00.000-07:00

I wrote in an earlier post that I thought that any diet needed to have a certain amount of deprivation. It seemed true especially if you look at the menus posted on many diet blogs. For example, here is my menu for today:

Breakfast: Cup of Oatmeal for Breakfast w/ unsweetened apple sauce and fat free milk.

Snack: Apple and a glass of fat free milk.

Lunch: Left over Texas hash (Brown rice, tomatoes, Lean ground turkey)

Snack: Salad w/ a measure of olive garden dressing.

Dinner: Taco Salad (Shredded Chicken over a bed of lettuce with salsa)

Snack: Pop Corn (98 % Fat Free)

In the past I would have saw this as deprivation because it didn't include my two favorite food groups of Pizza and ice cream. However, in actuality it doesn't feel like deprivation because the Texas Hash and Taco salad are really delicious. The only draw back is that both of them take some time to cook. Yesterday, when it was two hours before class, I had to decide whether to make Texas Hash or to just wing it after school. Winging it would have meant I would have had to eat another salad for dinner which would have left me hungry and would have forced my family to have hot dogs. Or worse it would have left me open to making a terrible dinner choice like pizza. So despite the time crunch, and that I was exhausted from a long day, I was dedicated enough to cook healthy food before I left for class. It was worth it yesterday, and it's worth it every day that I do it. This weeks worth came in the loss of three pounds for me. However, the prize is much more than weight loss it is about a new health consciousness that makes me me feel good about my self because I know that I'm finally succeeding where in the past the struggle was filled with pain and failure.

Doing Good

2008-04-07T18:25:00.000-07:00

I have been quiet lately. I am still working very hard at eating healthy. I was disappointed last week to see no loss. However, I can say with honesty that I had a very healthy week. My nutritional habits have changed drastically in a really good way. I have stuck to eating more wholesome type foods. The things I need to work on are drinking more water, drinking less margaritas, and working out more.

The workout thing has been another huge disappointment for me. Over a month ago, I thought I hurt myself at the gym. Unfortunately, my hips hurt every day. It is not an intense pain or even a dull pain. It feels as if they are creaking every time I walk, almost like the bones are stretching. Weird? I'm at the point where I think I might need to see a doctor because it's not going away. Also, I don't think it's an injury because the pain switches sides. Also, I don't know if it's my hip. It's actually in the middle of my butt. Is that part of my hip?

Tomorrow is weigh in day again. I hope to see better results.

NSV

2008-03-30T08:48:00.000-07:00

I've never reported a non scale victory before, but today I will because it was a big one. I cleaned out my pantry of unhealthy, processed food. I loaded them up in a big box and I'm going to send them to the food pantry that I volunteer at. Why is this a victory? Well...besides that I had the yuckiest sticky stuff at the bottom of my pantry shelves; it was just one more way I committed to healthy eating for me and my family.

2008-03-26T10:14:00.000-07:00

I've made some small changes in my diet this week. I just wanted to eat healthy, and that is what I did. I did not count points. Half way through the week, I was eating mostly core type foods. (That is the opposite of the flex plan in weight watcher's lingo) Any way, I'm kind of on my own plan where I am just eating healthy foods. The weight watcher's core site is amazing for help with how to do this. So I am taking what I want from weight watcher's core plan and throwing the rest out. Like I said, I am really trying hard to eat healthy foods like fruits, veggies, lean meats, whole grains and fat free dairy. It's been a hard change and wonderful change. Since I'm not a big fan of cooking, I anticipate that it will get harder and not easier till I get organized with my cooking. Also, I am really focused on feeling the sensation of both hunger and fullness. That's what I'm doing, and I lost 2.5 pounds this week doing it.

Warning...Expletives...

2008-03-21T05:20:00.000-07:00

OK here is the bad, the worse and the ugliest about my diet...

For some unknown reason, I just refuse to give up bad foods. 35 Flex points are a joke to me. I can eat 70 flex points just on chips and salsa night. That 70 points does not count the margaritas that go with chips and salsa. I even practice good diet management and ask myself if chips and salsa night will be worth it. Will I be happy with my decision after I've ingested it? Hell yes, I tell myself. Apparently, I am the biggest loser, oops I mean biggest liar.

...a few days, past chips and salsa night.

I went to the gym after not going in over a week because I hurt my hip. I have this pain in my ass (literally) from my butt to the inside of my knee which I think can even be felt near my ankle at times. Anyway, as I was working out I could feel the pain begin again. My heart started beating so fast, as I freaked out that maybe I'd never be able to workout again. Then I just started getting pissed at myself. I have let myself go in every imaginable way. I could die from over eating and disgusting nutrition. If I don't die from it, I'll certainly suffer a long time from it. I doubt I'd ever have hip pain I hadn't packed on so many pounds. I think I'm having a slow awakening. It's not all about looks or fitting into cute jeans. There are "real" health reasons that can/should motivate me.

I moved from the treadmill to the weight machines (which I did for the first time). In the background the radio is playing, the D.J is talking about reducing cancer risk by taking off all the pounds that you gained after high school. Wow! He used the example that even 11 extra pounds could increase your cancer risk. Imagine what my whopping 64 pounds does for my risk. I don't know what study he was citing, but the point was that I felt like someone was whispering in my ear a very important life secret.

...margarita night without chips and salsa. (with a friend)

My friend hasn't smoked in a couple of months. I haven't smoked in over 6 months. After a bad fight with her husband she picks up Margaritas and smokes and heads to my house. I wasn't even tempted to have a cigarette. I know if I have another smoke, I am headed to my grave much quicker than I am supposed to go. (My doctor has said that I don't have the lungs that can handle one more cigarette) I've created a lifetime habit that I can't ever imagine straying from no matter how much I loved being a smoker. My point is that I think I am having a revelation about my relationship with bad nutrition and my health. I get that my conviction about good nutrition has to become similar to the conviction I have about smoking.
....
Never the less, I don't know what it means. Will I choose chips & salsa next week? I refuse to make empty promises to myself or to my blog reader friends. The only thing I know is that I am slowly feeling a change in how I think about food and health.

2008-03-12T08:25:00.000-07:00

I lost a pound, but I am still up two from my total loss. I'm happy with my one pound loss. I got that loss at the gym and through making a few, minor good choices. Also, I probably got it because last week was period week, and this week isn't.

I've really committed to the gym, and it feels almost life changing. However, I have not truly committed to a life of better and different eating. I'd like to say this is the day I'll be a changed eater forever. I hope it's the day, but I have failed so many times to be certain this is the day. When I smoked, I learned I had to have a quit day for success. I can't tell you how many quit days I've had before I actually quit permanently. The other thing I learned about smoking is to not quit quitting. It was a process that took many years for me to make happen for myself. However, I never stopped the process of wanting to quit which included constantly trying. I have that part down with weight loss. This journal has helped me with that part. I will write in this probably forever. It's fun, and it makes me realize the "forever" part of the process of making good food choices.

I've decided to set a quit date for myself with my weight loss (Maybe, it should be called a start date). My quit/start date is going to be Monday March 17, 2008. (My quit smoking date was July 30th, 2007) I hope it will give me a few days to remind myself of my dedication to this. This is not an excuse for me to pig out till Monday. I'm still on program and even feeling quite committed this morning. I want there to be a contract with myself, and this is one way of doing it.

Here Is My Before Picture

2008-03-10T11:55:00.000-07:00

Just Kidding. We all know this isn't me. (Yet) However, I might not have her flat tummy, I do look almost as good as her in these great bras from Lane Bryant. (I actually own this one in this exact color) I went and got fitted for a bra and finally found my bra and my size. It was so worth it! I actually feel kind of sexy lately. I'm also addicted to bra shopping now.

Here is the scoop on getting fitted for a bra, in case there is anyone that doesn't know. I had no idea because I'd never been fitted.

They will measure you. However, the measurements don't for sure give you the exact size. You have to try on many bras to find the couple that will be a good fit for you. At Lane Bryant they had this wonderful woman that helped me. If your shy, you'll have to get over it because she does have to see you in the bra to make suggestions of bras that would be a better fit. I didn't like the idea of prancing around in front of another woman in my bra. Yet, it ended up being no big deal, and I couldn't have did it without her. She looks at women in their bras all day, and is kind of a bra expert.

I have to tell you that I always just guessed at my bra size so my boobs always looked like saggy water balloons underneath my clothes. I never even knew that you could try a bra on. I thought that you would have to try the bra on over the bra that one was already wearing. I felt so embarrassed asking how to try a bra on, but the lady was very professional and very supportive. It's official, everyone knows how big of a "nerd" I really am.

I now have over 10 bras that I absolutely adore. Not only that, I feel like the bra has taken ten pounds off me. I don't know why that is, but I'm hoping that I look as perky as I feel. LOL!

Here is the other thing I figured out about bras. You have to wash them in a bra bag to keep them good. It's a fish net bag that keeps the bras from getting tangled and ruined. I used to just throw them in the wash with everything else. Who knew...a bra bag?

Enough about bras, thanks for letting me share my new pink bra and bra tid bits with you.

New Goals and Such...

2008-03-07T07:17:00.000-08:00

I worked out at the gym for 65 minutes yesterday. I took it really easy. SUPER SLOW. However, at least I did it. Cammy left me a comment which gave me an idea. She is also the one that helped me get motivated with my fitness goals. She mentioned it wouldn't be long till I caught up. Caught up? You mean I still should get the rest of February's goal in with the new March goal? That is an excellent idea! It will make me feel better about missing February's goal. I have 156 minutes left to finish for February. After I finish the February ticker, then I am going to start ticking away at my March fitness ticker. I've added thirty more minutes than February for a total March goal of 550 minutes. However, combined with what I have left to do for both February and March I will have to workout for 706 minutes. I hope I can do it. Please no more sickness in my house.

Update: I worked out slowly for 64 minutes today. It went good and I felt a little better about it today than yesterday. Yesterday, it genuinely felt both physically and emotionally difficult to get back to.

Crockpot Chicken Supreme

2008-03-05T19:34:00.000-08:00

I found this recipe at about.com. The recipe is not mine or the picture. However, it is so good and easy. My husband was very impressed. (YEA!) It's eleven points for for one whole breast or two halves. I used slices of 2 percent Velveeta to lower the points.

http://busycooks.about.com/od/chickenrecipe1r/chixsupreme.htm

You can substitute different types of cheese and different flavors of condensed soup to change the flavor of this fabulous, easy slow cooker recipe.

Prep Time: 15 minutes

Cook Time: 6 hours

Ingredients:
3 slices bacon
6 boneless, skinless chicken breast halves
10 oz. can condensed cream of chicken soup OR 10 oz. jar four cheese Alfredo sauce
4 oz. jar sliced mushrooms, drained OR 1 onion, chopped
1/2 cup diced Swiss or Havarti cheese

Preparation:In large skillet, cook bacon until crisp. Remove bacon from skillet and drain on paper towels. Crumble bacon and set aside in refrigerator.

In bacon drippings in skillet, cook chicken over medium heat 3-5 minutes or until light brown, turning once. Place in 4-6 quart slow cooker. Top with mushrooms. In skillet, heat soup and pour over mushrooms and chicken. Cover and cook on low setting for 4-5 hours, or until chicken registers 165 degrees F on a meat thermometer.

Top chicken with cheese slices and sprinkle with bacon. Cover and cook on high for 10-15 minutes or until cheese is melted. 6 servings

Note: Author of recipe recently started cooking this dish using frozen chicken breasts. Brown them, as directed, in the bacon drippings, then cook on low for 6-8 hours, until no longer pink in the center.

P.S. It's been a really bad week. This is my best I can do for checking in for the healthy you challenge.

Almost 2 weeks...

2008-03-03T04:50:00.000-08:00

off program. I am getting back on. It has been a very rough 2 weeks. I got bronchitis which amounts to me not being able to breathe, and coughing all night so I didn't get any sleep. On top of that my son was running a fever for over 7 days. We are both better. I still have a bit of bronchitis, but it's better than before. My son is mostly better. However, now my daughter is running a temp. It seems to not end lately. Here's what I did good and bad.

1. I got off program and ate like a cow occasionally.

2. Sometimes I actually said no to food even though I was off prorgam.

3. I consciously made the decision to stop going to the gym which was a good thing because the only way for me to get over bronchitis is to let my lungs rest. I think my latest bout with bronchitis is a reminder to me to stay not smoking. I sometimes fear that I've did permanent damage because I get bronchitis more than 4 times a year every year lately. When it happens I hack all night and I can hear my lungs cackle. However, the other good news is, this bout was less severe than usual although just as lengthy.

4. I stopped drinking water, and need to do that to get better. With bronchitis it's all about rest and fluids. Today's goal is to drink a ton of water.

5. Starting today I am back OP, probably with some gain, but at least I am showing up for roll call.

6. I didn't make my minutes goal for February's fitness. However, I know I would have if I hadn't gotten sick. I am going to start going back to the gym in a day or two. I think I still need just a little more physical rest.

7. The Biggest Loser got canceled at the gym due to low enrollment. I was big time disappointed in that, but I"ll just have to keep chugging away by myself.

1/2 Pound Loss...

2008-02-21T08:23:00.000-08:00

I had a half pound loss. I admit that I was disappointed, but the truth is my disappointment stems from only 1 reason. I have a wedding I have to be in at the end of June. I'd love to not feel like the Pillsbury dough gal for it. Other than that, I am happy losing it a half pound at a time. I have in my mind that the total weight loss could take two years. So for this week, I took a small trophy instead of the larger version of it that I usually take.

Speaking of dough girls. I was at the gym yesterday for another 60 minute workout (YEA!!). I was reminded of the reason my mom said she hated going to the gym. She hated that there are so many mirrors at the gym. It was one thing, she said, to workout, but quite another to have to watch herself jiggle as she did her workouts. I was on a sitting stationary bike, directly in front of the mirror. Guess what stood out. A pair of the largest, monstrous thighs I ever saw. Darn it all, I think those packs of fat were mine. I might have to avoid the bike because I don't do mirrors. I'm only half serious because I probably will do the bike today, but I can't wait till they look a bit less Godzilla like.

Going to the gym is part of my life...

2008-02-18T10:22:00.000-08:00

(NOT!) However, this is what I tell myself while I've been there all week. I need it (fitness) to be a way of life. Today, I worked out for 54 minutes at the gym. Also, I did the 3 minute walk that Go Workout Mom posted on her site. Lately, I do this three minute walk almost every day. I figured out if I do it every day for a month that would be 90 minutes of extra walking which could be 3 workouts. Take a look at my fitness meter. Finally, the darn thing is moving. Cammy from the Tippy Toe Diet challenged people to set a fitness goal for the month and watch the workout minutes build up. Luckily, I set a small goal for this month since I waited to the middle of the month to begin. Never the less, I admit that I love dropping my son off at the gym day care while I go workout and watch Dr. Phil for an hour. Anyway, I tell myself everyday while I am sweating that this is my new life. The truth is I don't entirely believe it, but I think the more I do it, the more I say it, and the results that come from it will make it a habit for life.

Let's Get Naked

2008-02-17T18:12:00.000-08:00

I was watching Oprah last week and she had Carson Kressley on from the show Look Good Naked. It was really cool to see "real" body type women go from hating their bodies to really liking how they looked naked. So this is what I took from the show. I so need new bras and underwear. I don't have enough bras that fit. (only 2 that don't cut my circulation off) My bras need to cover up the sides, pull up the breasts and cover a little more cleavage. Click Here to see some good examples of how bras are supposed to look. On the Oprah show, I was amazed what a good bra and pantie set could do to change the look of a women. Also, Carson explained it was a mind set. Get in front of the mirror in your best bra and pantie set and look for some parts of your body that you like. Some examples could be good posture, good alignment, good butt, nice breasts, cute feet, creamy skin etc... So when I got naked, I actually found that despite my plus size body, my alignment was pretty good especially when I pulled up my bra and wore good underwear. (good underwear was a stretch for me because since gaining so much weight I haven't felt sexy enough to care about my under clothing)

So my goal is to very soon get some new underclothing. Yes!!

Happy Valentine's Day to ME!

2008-02-14T19:35:00.000-08:00

OK, so I was thinking about how lame V day was and how it just confirmed that my marriage of 9 years was just like my parent's and his parents. Wow! My mind is changed, at least for tonight. We connected, like before we said, "I do".

So, how does this have to do with my diet?

I am recently in the major fat category(although, this isn't the first time I've been fat, as I gained 80 pounds during my pregnancy) I recently adopted my (our 22 month old son) and gained almost the same amount. I think it was the adoption and the fact that I gained 10-15 pounds, literally every other month when I decided to quit smoking.

Once again, how does this have to do with my diet?

Attraction is attraction, it doesn't go away with fat. I think I have to work harder at it because of the deficiency I suddenly feel in myself, but never the less, if you were once attracted to someone, it's likely that even major weight gain can't diminish the "true" attraction that brought a couple together.

Even at my thinnest, I've always been obsessed with weight issues. I asked my husband if he could still "want me" at 400 pounds. He swears to this day, that he would still "want me" the same as when I was thin. OK I don't completely believe him; but I do believe that mostly he is truthful because my husband wants me when I want myself. I mean that in the rare moments when I think I am a hot mama, he treats me like one.

Fessing Up and Moving On...

2008-02-14T10:32:00.001-08:00

Fess up time: Plus 1.5 pounds.

What am I doing about it?

I signed up for a 10 week biggest loser program through my gym. (the one I never use)
I worked out today for 40 minutes.

Random Sadness

2008-02-12T19:43:00.000-08:00

I promised myself I wouldn't be a New Year Diet Junky, meaning I wouldn't make 10 or so pounds and drop off the face of my blog. I've already watched others do it. I thought I was stronger, but the truth is that I'm just slower at it. I may not of even gained, but I haven't given it my all this week. Yet, I haven't given it my all in my life either.

Last week Hanlie left me a comment. She doesn't seem to think fat people can be totally happy with their life, if they know they aren't doing their best for their health and life. I disagreed with her last week. This week I agree with her, only for different reasons. In theory, I do think fat people can be happy. However, I am just not. I got issues, but lets be honest, I just want to look and feel good so my husband will... I'm not sure what I want my husband to do. Maybe, I want him to think I'm drop dead gorgeous or maybe I just want him to see that other men might just be attracted to me. Now that is freaking shallow! I have this friend who talks constantly about herself. She loves to spend an hour talking about how looks don't matter to her, yet she spends every second making sure she is as thin as possible at any cost. At least, I'm honest, my looks matter. That damn, book I'm reading...well it just has to be wrong. I remember how good it felt to be thin and sexy.

What can I say positive?

I'm going to pray really hard before I get on the scales tomorrow. (For a miracle or just the strength to make a comeback in the future)

I am totally aware that the process of change takes years. I've been thinking of an award like a trip, that I would give myself for weight loss, that I would take next year. I want to let myself have time to change as long as I am constantly in process of it all.

Body Image and Happiness

2008-02-07T10:41:00.000-08:00

I am reading Eckhart Tolle's A New Earth. I'm into the first couple of chapters, and I am really enjoying it. Although, I don't agree entire entirely with his philosophy. He sees heaven as something we achieve within ourselves. I believe heaven is a real place that may begin inside of us, but is also the place our spirits go when our bodies die. No matter that our philosophies differ, the book is really thought provoking and possibly conscience changing for many. He asks people to look at the importance of "things" in their lives, and encourages the reader to examine how they use things to build themselves up or create false importance in their life.

Here is my Things List:
My furniture
My truck
My basement
My T.V.
My IPOD

How does this have to do with diet? It does in a huge way. One of the "things" can actually be self image. Although, our bodies ultimately wrinkle up and decay, we build up our images on our bodies. No matter if we take the self concept of beauty or ugliness, it is still a false sense of self because ultimately our bodies decay back into dirt and we are left with nothing that was based on a bodily self concept. Whether good or bad, if our self concept comes from our bodies--it is false.

I've read this debate on many blogs especially those of the successful weight loss bloggers. I've heard more than one person say that they can't really imagine that fat people are completely happy. However, I think a fat person can be completely happy especially if they don't base their self worth from their body. The next step that Tolle talks about, in the book, is how to stop creating self worth that is body related. I will leave that for another post, as it is completely fascinating. Also, I'd like to try it before I write about it.

2008-02-06T07:18:00.000-08:00

I have both a hall of shame award for myself and a trophy award for myself. I am not sure which to give myself. I stayed the same this week, and for the most part I think that is pretty good considering that I was a little bit down this week, and on top of it all, it's TOM time. So, I have decided that I am getting a trophy because I mostly was OP, and that's got to be good enough most of the time.

So often, on diets we are shown by society that we have to strive for perfection. We have to look like a model, we have to look like we did in the ninth grade or we have to exercise an hour a day because that is the most healthy for us (making our half hour worthless). I would love to weigh 135, and when I see some of these motivational stories where women have kicked ass, I hope that is me in two years. Yet, I've set my goal for 160 because that just might be attainable. At this point I'm reasonable. I'm not saying I don't fantasize about that 130 bikini body, but hell I'd take my jiggling, jelly belly and fat butt out in a bikini if I weighed 160 because that would be truly fabulous for me.

Mindful Eating

2008-02-05T17:43:00.000-08:00

It's official I am part of the Healthy You Challenge. I'm excited, but nervous as tomorrow is weigh in day and also period week begins tomorrow. Also, I can't lie, it hasn't been a perfect week. I don't think it ever will be, but I do know I'm entirely committed to a more healthy me. The point is I hate to gain weight on my second day of challenge. Oh well, no matter the numbers I will keep at it even if it takes two years.

I have been meditating lately. One kind of meditation is mindful eating, which is where you sit down for a meal, and enjoy each and ever flavor along with the conversation that may go along with the meal. At first, in mindful meditation you should do it alone, focusing on eating and tasting every bite. How does it taste? How does the food make you feel? What is the story behind the food? How are you thankful for the food? Are you full? This is all part of mindful eating in which I have in the past tried to do. The adjectives to describe mindful eating are healthy, relaxing and energizing.

From Thich Nhat Hanh- he suggests eating a meal with others in silence, but without solemness and instead be happy together yet quiet. He suggests before eating saying this verse or some other type of thanks for the food:

In this food,
I see clearly the presence
Of the entire universe
supporting my existence.

Source: HOL 1000 WMU Choices in Living Course Pack Fall 2005

This is all well and good. I wish I'd practiced some of this earlier when I snorted and shoveled my dumplings, carrots, salad, soup and corn down my throat while barely hearing my husband. Not to mention, between snorts I was forced to tend to my new toddler son who has no table manners yet. YEA!

I mention this because I want to be more mindful of my food. In meditation language, I want to be present with my meals.

Food Gratitude

2008-02-04T19:56:00.000-08:00

I'm thankful for WW cakes--they are delicate and delicious. Also, I am so grateful that I am OP more than not OP. I feel great about the future, slimmer me. I am grateful that someday I will be able to run again. Lastly, I am thankful for my determination that has been granted to me. THANK YOU! THANK WHO? THANK GOD! THANK ME TOO!

Meditation...

2008-02-04T19:36:00.000-08:00

I'm sticking with it, and I can already see the difference in my life from just two days of it. I can handle my 5 year old daughter again without becoming unnecessarily stressed. I feel the depression lifting, and I feel more present in my life.

When I meditate I focus on my breath and when intrusive thoughts enter my head, I acknowledge the thought and come back to my breath. I found it interesting that the two thoughts that kept popping in my head regarded time and what other people think of me. Meditation brings those issues to the forefront in my head because they are subconsciously always weighting me down. Yet, at the same time meditation deals head on with both of these issues. The more I meditate, the more present and comfortable I am with myself. Also, meditation slows my mind down so I can appreciate the important part of my life like my family.

Easiest Omelet Low Points Yummy

2008-02-04T08:09:00.000-08:00

Easiest Zip'N Steam Omelet for 3 points. (It's Big) In a Medium Zip'n Steam bag pour 1 cup of egg beaters into bag. Add onions and tomatoes, as you like. Add 1 slice of cut up 2% cheese into bag. Add salt and pepper. Cook for 3 1/2 minutes to 4 1/2 minutes. Just keep looking at it till it looks done in your microwave. It's so YUMMY! (I've heard regular eggs work, also)

Exercise Challenge 520 Minutes February

2008-02-04T06:00:00.000-08:00

I'm always looking for new inspiration and I just found it. Cammy from the Tippy Toe Diet Blog is funny and cheeky. She challenged herself to a 1,000 minutes last month and made it. That is so GREAT!

I'm going to challenge myself to 520 minutes for the month of February. I have a theory about exercise that is probably warped, but never the less I am sticking with it. I think it's best to start out really slow with fitness and move up. For example, what if I exercised for 1 hour every day starting now? I think that to continue to lose weight I would have to keep that up or add more. Instead, I do a little bit of exercise, and add more as needed. However, the kicker is that I need to find a way that fitness can be a lifestyle. I know myself, and I don't ever see myself as the hour a day girl. I gotta find a way to work a little bit of it in on a regular basis. I like the monthly minute goal. I hope I will do better than I did last week with zero exercise.

On Program Off Program On program

2008-02-03T20:22:00.000-08:00

The bad news is I am off program again today. The good news is that I didn't just decide to say hell with it and have a total binge. That's the biggest difference between now and in the past. I guess there are 2 differences. First in the past I would be entirely off program in a major binge sort of way. Now, even when "off program" I am conscious of the choices I am making. Secondly, I am coming back to OP every time I screw up. YEA! I'm allowing myself to screw up and succeed.

Speaking of screwing up, or should I say screwing down? I did not exercises once this week. (My goal was twenty minutes a day) There is always next week, and next week I know will bring good changes in me.

Church

2008-02-03T11:27:00.000-08:00

I went to church this morning. Yea! It's been like a year since I went. What does this have to do with my diet? I guess it doesn't, but it does have to do with my health and well being. My last couple of weeks of depression has been helping me to reevaluate what is important in my life, and what makes me happy. I want my heart to be no longer bitter, and I want my family to goto church together.

Beginning Again

2008-02-02T21:17:00.000-08:00

I'm going to start meditating again. I used to live more peacefully when I meditated on a regular basis. I started again tonight. This time I did it a bit different than I used to. I focused tonight on all the parts of my body and it's stress, especially on how rapid my heart beats. I wanted to feel calm for just a few minutes, and it worked.

Gratitude List

2008-02-02T20:28:00.000-08:00

1. My daughter and how innocent she sometimes still is.
2. My son for his ability to trust despite all the pain he's been through in his young life.
3. My mom for how much she has mothered me and my entire family.
4. My husband for how he's waiting through this hump in my life.
5. My dad because he was the most supportive in getting my son home.
6. My brother for turning his life around, giving it to God; a passion I want to understand.
7. That I have time to change.
8. For the movie, "Where the Heart Is"
9. For one more day with my husband.
10. For a reminder to not be so bitter.

Garlic Potatoes

2008-02-01T14:21:00.000-08:00

The Ziploc Zip'n Steam are definitely worth trying for a delicious, healthy vegetable side dish. I have tried them with fish and chicken, but didn't like them as much. I made potatoes in them the other night. I sliced up potatoes so they were a quarter inch thick. Through in some garlic salt, about two tablespoons of bottled garlic and brushed the potatoes with a little bit of olive oil. (Just a bit of garlic on the brush, and spread it around) Then I shook the bag up really good. Then I followed the directions on the bag for cooking in the microwave. They were so delicious.

Another Day

2008-01-31T17:54:00.000-08:00

I haven't exercised for twenty minutes a day, as I set for a goal. It seems that I am really in a depressed rut. I'd like to get out of it, but my new son has strep throat which keeps me up all night. It turns out that being exhausted isn't useful for bringing myself out of depression. I'm now beginning to see that I'm an emotional eater. However, I don't know why; it doesn't make any sense that I'd want or need more/different foods just because I'm depressed. I've always said I'm not an emotional eater, I just love food. OK, I get that I'm eating more this week so I must be an emotional eater. I have no idea what that means in the big scheme of things.

I want pizza because I'm sad.
I want Italian to celebrate.
I want ice cream for alone time.
I want margaritas to escape.
I want cheese puffs for a boredom buster.
I want cookies to taste the shortening on my lips.
I want doritos to comfort a sore throat.
I want chocolate for period week.
I want to feel with food.
I want to feel good with food.
I want to be made momentarily good with food.
I want food to be my happiness.
I want food to shelter my anger.
I want to to surround myself with the pleasure of food.
I want food to cocoon me so the world doesn't see me.

Weigh In

2008-01-30T10:04:00.001-08:00

I hesitate to offer myself a reward this week. (The fancy little trophy you see above) Yet, I lost 3 POUNDS! I'm not sure how it's possible because I really fell off the wagon this week. I got ZERO activity points. I went off PROGRAM for 2 days which included all you can eat ice cream and a stop at a Mexican restaurant with so many chips and salsa that I thought I'd gained 5 pounds just in one meal. To top it all off, I had a big goof up on my Weight Watcher's program. I started out WW with 24 points. I didn't realize that I was suppose to take a points quiz and change my points from years ago when I started the program. It turns out I was really supposed to be eating 27 points. After 4 weeks of 24 points, I thought 27 would pack on the pounds. I planned to eat the 27 and just lay off the flex for a couple of weeks. That plan went way out the window. I realized how hungry I was with just 24 points, and I ate my 27, plus all of my flex. That doesn't count that I went off program and never even bothered to count my points. The more I write, the more I feel like I should put up a hall of shame award instead.

Why was this such a bad week. I have been very depressed. I just became a new mom through adoption. Now I have a 5 year old and a 22 month old. Sometimes, being a mom puts me into a box and I feel like I am going to suffocate. I love my kids, and it's usually not like this, but it's hard to stay at home and keep hold of things like femininity, beauty and power.

To make it all worse, I am fat. I was chiding my husband about gaining a few pounds since his hip replacement. He said that he actually hadn't gained any since last summer. BAM! SLAM! He was letting me know that I was fatter than him. I kind of liked the idea that we were fat together.

I have recommitted myself to a better week. I plan on staying OP for the entire week, and my goal this week is to exercise for 20 minutes every day.

My 5 Year Old Called Me The "F" Word

2008-01-28T06:58:00.000-08:00

My daughter called me Fat, for the second time. How did it make me feel? I don't know. She was telling the truth. She said, mom you look fat, but you are still beautiful. I think it's a good thing that she can see fat as beautiful.

Reasons and Real Reasons

2008-01-24T07:41:00.000-08:00

Reasonable Reasons for losing weight

1. I will have a healthy heart.
2. I will breathe easier.
3. I will be less likely to get cancer.
4. I will be a wealthy weight while being a non-smoker.

Real Reasons for losing weight

1. I'll feel great in a thong.
2. I will be just a little thinner than my friends. (Te-he-he)
3. Old boyfriends will regret they ever gave "this" up.
4. I will wear a hot Christmas dress.
5. I will wear a hot pair of jeans.
6. I'll be able to run when I'm stressed out.
7. I'll let my husband buy me clothes again.
8. I'll be able to butch off my hair the way I like it. SHORT!
9. I'll be skinnier than my mom. (Shame on me for this evil thought, yet I just can't help myself)
10. My daughter will not think I'm fat anymore.

I'm a catty "B"...

2008-01-23T13:05:00.000-08:00

I just can't help it. It's true... I want to be one pound skinnier than my friend Jodi. She's pregnant and I think she takes great joy from the fact that I weigh more than her. Also, it's not my fault that I'm such a "B". My fellow sisters of society make it so. I am so tired of talking to my friends about weight. Don't they have any clue how hard it is for me to be the fat one and yet I still have to talk to them about how fat they feel. So, I'm on a secret mission, of societies making, to be skinnier than my friends. (Yes, I know it's a toxic attitude, and I am only half serious:)

I get a trophy for...

2008-01-23T07:57:00.000-08:00

losing 1.5 pounds!!!!

Let's get way to personal...

2008-01-22T19:09:00.001-08:00

OK, tomorrow is weigh in day. I've drank literally about 20 cups of water. However, I am not peeing much. I know when I stop retaining water because it feels like a water fall. I have all of these tricks I've been trying including drinking all the water, elevating my feet, walking barefoot, pressing on my bladder and doing stomach crunches. I wish I had apple cider vinegar because I once heard that helped with water retention.

I retain water all the time. When I was pregnant I retained so much water that every morning I woke up to curled finger that took at least one hour to slowly uncurl. It's because all the water would press on a nerve in my wrist. It's similar to carpel tunnel, and actually is a form of carpel tunnel that happens to women in pregnancy because of water retention. It's extremely painful and inconvenient.

I'm going to wait an hour before weighing in tomorrow because I've noticed that I often lose alot of water during the first hour of waking up.

Inspiration

2008-01-20T21:35:00.000-08:00

So there is this very cool single mom who stops by my blog on a regular basis who is my inspiration for this new day (Thank you!!). Holly had 31 activity points this week and has a beautiful description of how her body is changing from all her hard work. I like reading her blog because we have relatively similar stats and started around the same time frame. (Also, I'm a mom) So, with 31 activity points and she has also just begun her journey, she motivates me to get my butt in gear. I could lose 2 pounds this week and make the 10 pound mile stone. (This is my goal for the rest of the week) I'm going to get there by:
1. Exercise every day.
2. Not eating a nibble from every bite my son has.
3. Stay within points of 24, since I only have 1 flex left.

Exercise Today.

2008-01-20T12:58:00.000-08:00

3:00 PM: I am fumbling through my week with no flex points. (Because I chowed early on) Tonight I'll exercise. I am making a commitment early in the day so that I'll follow through tonight.

8:25 PM: I'm heading down stairs to take the laundry off the treadmill so I can use it. (Just kidding--no laundry, but it has been a long time since I used it)

10:20 PM: 70 MINUTES on the treadmill!!!!!! I forgot how motivating the treadmill is. I planned on 30 minutes, but just kept telling myself to go a few more minutes.

I love Wine!!!

2008-01-19T15:14:00.000-08:00

After such a great moment of turning pizza down, I screwed up big time. My husband brought wine home for dinner. (not a nice thing of him to do, never the less I am the one to blame) I drank most of the bottle and then was nicely buzzed and downed so many chips I lost count of them. The day gave me a hit of 50 points, so now I have 1 flex left. I will try to eat that one point wisely before Wednesday's weigh in day. So in the end the problem only becomes a problem if I need flex points during the week.

Chucky Cheese has the best pizza!!!!

2008-01-18T13:52:00.000-08:00

...but I didn't have any. I went to Chucky Cheese with my son and daughter. They had a pizza and I had salad. (I have never been the type that can just eat one piece of pizza. If you can't have at least 4 slices, it's not worth the points) Yea! Actually this seems to be the hardest week probably because it's the fourth week. It's sink or swim time.

Did Weight Watcher's Really Say I Had to Exercise?

2008-01-16T19:35:00.000-08:00

This morning I couldn't mall walk because I had to read my chapter before class, and also I had to clean the basement. Anyway, I had two very good reasons why I couldn't go mall walking. However, as I was reading Angie All The Way's Blog. She talked about her commitment to fitness, and how no matter what obstacles got in the way, she was going to make sure she worked out. This got me thinking about my reasons for not walking today, which actually were excuses. I thought about this all day, and when I got home from school tonight at 10pm, I finally made myself do a workout video. I felt like this was the right decision. I didn't want to workout, but I did it any way.

I usually mall walk for about an hour at a time, three to four days a week. There is much more I will need to do to lose all these pounds. However, I feel resistant to the idea of increasing my fitness load, at this point in time. I know that at 180 pounds I want to start running again. This is actually going to be one of my rewards for myself. (By 180, there's hope these legs can carry my body as it runs down the road) I think I need to ease into it gradually, with more specific goals regarding fitness. Also, I'm going to have commit to doing it at home when I can't go to the mall. (I have a gym membership which is a total waste because it hogs up way to much time) So, my plan is to think about where/when/how much fitness I should be doing.

The Golden Trophy

2008-01-16T07:39:00.000-08:00

The Golden Trophy goes to me. I figured if I had a hall of shame award for gaining, I should have an award for losing. I lost...drum roll...4.5 pounds this week. I can't believe I only have 56 pounds to the "so called" goal weight. Over the last weeks, as I've hung on the every word of successful weight loss bloggers, I realized that I can go all the way. However, I'm still uncertain what all the way is. I have decided that to start my end goal is 160. However, maybe I'd like to go farther, but I will decide that later on. Heck, I will be the mother of all thrilled at 170.

Broccoli and Cheese Soup w/ tomato

2008-01-15T16:16:00.000-08:00

Ingredients:

2 lbs of frozen broccoli
1 can of tomatoes w/ green peppers and onions in mixture.
10 oz Light Velveeta cheese.
Two 14 1/2 oz can of chicken broth.
2 tablespoons of flour
5 Teaspoons of powdered creamer.

salt to taste

Directions:
combine broccoli, tomatoes and broth.
Bring to boil. simmer 10 minutes.
Add cheese, flour, and creamer.
Puree in blender.

salt to taste.

2 points a cup. Makes 10 one cup servings.

This is so good!! Also, it's easy. It's a great recipe to do with kids. Also, kids loved eating it.

Source=weight watcher's message boards, however so altered it's not hardly recognizable.

Serenity Prayer

2008-01-14T19:48:00.000-08:00

The Skinny Bee's were out in masses...

2008-01-14T08:34:00.000-08:00

I went mall walking this morning, and the Skinny Bee's were buzzing everywhere. The times that I have went mall walking there hasn't been very many people my age. (I'm 32, and most of the walkers are much older) The Skinny Bee's are women around my age who are thin. How did they get their name? I take my daughter to dance and there is this group of thin women that all talk to each other, and never to me, so I named them the Skinny B's. (You can fill in the blank) Now I call all the other skinny women Skinny Bee which is the more polite version of Skinny "B". I do this in total fun, as I will be proud to be a Skinny Bee again. (Not a Skinny "B".)

I wonder what made all skinny one's come out today. Anyway, the Skinny Bee's teach me a lesson much like the older people do that mall walk. My first instinct is that if I was that skinny I wouldn't be waking myself up to go mall walking. However, I realized that the Skinny Bee's must also know the secret health benefits of walking. They are likely skinny, at least in part, because they are mall walkers. So, the lesson for me is that walking must become a complete and long term part of my lifestyle.

The Callender Girls Club

2008-01-13T07:10:00.000-08:00

I got this from the blog called Journey to Lose a 100 Pounds. It's a great idea. The calender on the blog serves as a visual reminder to put a sticker on the calender every time I'm on program. I love it. Since, I started I get to put a sticker on for every day. Even though, I had a gain last weigh in, I was completely OP which means on program. I thought OP sounded sort of harsh at first. It's like you are either OP or Not OP. However, so far my journey of blogging and slowly learning from other's blogs who journal their weight loss, I can see that the only way to success is OP. YEA! I'm so excited about this calender idea.

Veggie Dip

2008-01-12T21:43:00.001-08:00

Spicy Veggie Dip

1 tub of fat free sour cream
1 block of fat free cream cheese
About a cup of medium-hot salsa

Beat the sour cream and fat free cream cheese, add the salsa. This was really yummy and the total was 11 points for the entire bowl which made a ton. I ate almost half the bowl with fresh veggies and so I counted it as 5 points.

Commentary:

Why am I posting such an easy recipe? Mostly because I made most of it up myself. I had an original recipe that called for fat free yogurt, but since the store was out of plain fat free yogurt, I substituted the sour cream and cream cheese. I'm feeling really good about my cooking lately. As a french fry and hot dog cook, I think I'm really seeing some benefits of expanding on my cooking adventures.

I'm going to keep up with the dip and veggies because it's a great way to get the Weight Watcher's required veggies in.

Red and Processed Meat May Increase Cancer Risk

2008-01-12T21:19:00.000-08:00

In a 2007 journal article from PLos Medicine, researchers correlated red and processed meat to cancer. The authors suggested that possibly one in ten colorectal and one in ten lung cancers could be avoided with the decreased consumption of red meat.

Read article here:

http://medicine.plosjournals.org/perlserv/?request=get-document&doi=10.1371/journal.pmed.0040325

As a former smoker and person who has avoided red meat for a long time, I hope this means I will avoid getting lung cancer. Perhaps this is good news for vegetarian smokers or vegetarian former smokers.

Every Drop Counts...

2008-01-11T10:29:00.000-08:00

Every fruit loop, every cracker and every piece of mindless food I put into my mouth counts. It counts as points and pounds.

2008-01-09T09:44:00.000-08:00

Second week on the weight watcher's program and I've gained two pounds. Here are my top 5 xcuses.

1. My kidneys aren't working so I'm retaining water.
2. I had salty soup before bed time of weigh in day.
3. I like ding dongs and Twinkies.
4. Mall walking adds muscle.
5. It's PERIOD week, and that's my EXCUSE!!

Bell Pepper Tomato Soup

2008-01-08T18:21:00.000-08:00

I forgot to mention I made really good 1 point tomato soup. It's from Weight Watchers and called Bell Pepper-Tomato soup. It's not to hard, but made me feel like a master chef.

2 tsp olive oil
2 medium garlic cloves, minced
1 medium onion diced
1 medium carrot chopped
1 1/2 tsp herbes de Provence. (Internet search gave me easy recipe for this her mixture)
3 medium sweet peppers orange or red sliced
14 1/2 oz can of chicken broth
28 oz can of crushed tomatoes
1 tsp of salt
1/2 cup of fat free creamer or fat free half and half. (I used powdered fat free coffee creamer)
1/2 tsp of black pepper
1 tsp sugar

In large pot, heat oil over medium heat. Add garlic, stir until fragrant about 1 minute. Add onion and carrot. cook until onion is tender about 5 minutes.

Add herbes de Provence, cook stirring until fragrant about 1 minute. Add peppers cook until begins to soften about 5 minutes. Add broth and tomatoes.

Bring to a boil. cover, simmer for 25 minutes. Stir in salt, pepper, creamer, sugar. Puree in small batches, briefly reheat if needed.

Yields eight 1 cup servings of 1 point value.

So YUMMY!

Over 65 years and totally hot...

2008-01-08T17:02:00.000-08:00

OK, I hope this doesn't seem to weird as I usually don't check out other chicks, but I was mall walking yesterday and saw these two women who were mall walking together. They had white hair and wrinkled faces, but they looked completely amazing. There are three things that I think they are doing that make them as spry and beautiful as they appear to be.

1. They wear good jeans. Their jeans were more stylish and likely way more expensive than any of mine.

2. They had good bras on. (The older gentlemen were noticing.) Their 70 year old breasts were more youthful than my 32 year old cupped ladies.

3. They walk every day. There has got to be something "real" if it keeps these ladies in such great shape.

Thinness does matter...

2008-01-07T07:29:00.000-08:00

When I began this journey over two weeks ago, it was supposed to be all about health and nothing about going on a diet and getting thin. However, I'd be lying to myself if I said thinness didn't have a significant impact on my motivation to live a healthier lifestyle. I get a little giddy imagining a thin me.

Do we have any value?

2008-01-06T18:42:00.000-08:00

I found this picture at postsecret.com. This is someones secret. Sad? The first thing I noticed about the picture is the words. If you check out many weight loss diaries on the net, they are all lonely women who place no value on their life, much like this picture shows. The most painful part about this person's secret is that she is thin. THIN! The cow is not FAT! I remember when I started this FAT journey in the seventh grade. I was not FAT!

What it takes?

2008-01-04T17:17:00.000-08:00

What does it take to lead a healthy life style in regards to food? I have pondered this a lot lately. Weight watchers tells us we don't need to deprive ourselves of the food we love. However, as I read People magazine's stories about super successful weight loss, I realized these people have one thing in common which is the ability to say no to bad food like fast food and desert. I guess sometimes if you have the points, it's OK, but the most of the time it's best to say no. One of the women said that if you are going to eat the cake then you need to give something else up during the day, like bread. So I think that healthy eating is not total deprivation, but certainly I've got to put a halt to junk food on a regular basis.

Sneaky Snacks...All day long...

2008-01-04T11:20:00.000-08:00

All day long I gravitate to a chip here and a cracker there and even a few pieces of cookies. That's today's challenge, to not mindlessly eat all day long. I counted 2 points for the damage already done today.

I FORGOT TO MENTION...

2008-01-03T18:33:00.000-08:00

I LOST 5.5 POUNDS AS OF THE FIRST WEEK OF RABBIT EATING! (I MEAN NEW LIFE STYLE EATING:) HA!

10 Things I Hate About Being Fat!

2008-01-03T10:03:00.000-08:00

1. Getting out of the bath tub is painful. It's kind of embarrassing actually.
2. When I smile, my chin also smiles.
3. My breasts feel as if they are going to burst from my bra. Not to mention I can't use wire because it cuts into my skin.
4. Grandpa comments loudly and rudely every time I see him about my weight.
5. I can't cut my hair short because I don't want my head to look like a basketball.
6. I avoid my skinny friends.
7. I know it's on every one's mind, how much weight I gained.
8. I have a new family, but I don't have a new family picture.
9. I am tired.
10. I usually think I am hungry and I love to eat.

2008-01-01T18:58:00.000-08:00

So today, I went over my points which puts me over my points for weight in day. However, I am going to try to forgive myself because there is still wine left in tonight's bottle. (Usually, I would never leave wine in a bottle) I hope I lose weight tomorrow because tomorrow is weigh in day. This is going to be such a long process. It will be at least a year, but it doesn't have to seem so bad when I just chalk it up to the rest of my life. OK I am just babbling out of nervousness. I fear I've messed up my first week. A few days ago I was down 4 pounds, but that was before eating out for New Years eve, and having a snack attack today.

New Year's Resolutions

2008-01-01T10:45:00.000-08:00

1. Work so hard on diet and fitness that I will be so invested that I will never go back to FAT again.

2. Stop bitching at my husband during January. Every husband should get a one month bitch free pass.

3. Do two loads of laundry a day including wash, dry, fold and put away.

THROW OUT THE BROWNIES!

2007-12-29T19:41:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow's goal:

1. Eat some fruit.
2. Eat some vegetables.
3. Choose smart snacks.
4. Workout for some POINTS!
5. THROW OUT THE BROWNIES!

Tough Day

2007-12-29T09:55:00.000-08:00

Today is a tough day with no activity points so far, and only 6 points left for dinner. (It's 1pm) I can have yogurt and a whole can of bean soup. (I already wasted 5 points on chips and salsa, and 3 points on 3 teeny tiny brownie bites) I'm off to take a nap.

Mall Walking

2007-12-28T16:23:00.000-08:00

I realized today that mall walking can be quite the interesting adventure. First, there are all these elderly people who are in better shape than me. They were faster and much more serious than me about my mall walk. It may be the answer to the question I have been asking myself lately. How can fitness and diet be a lifestyle? These older people definitely know the meaning of this being part of their lifestyle. They are skinny, not at all fat like me, and they are there every morning. The question is how do I obtain this dedication. I think they know how important fitness is to a healthy life, body, mind and heart. I guess I have to really know and be impressed by this idea.

Also, mall walking can be very intimate among strangers. I am walking along with my son in the stroller, and I keep passing people. Who should I say hello to? Who shouldn't I say hello to? Some people are friendly, some are annoyed about the younger, slower, stroller mom. Should I move to the right when someone passes me or should I speed up so that they don't have to pass me. All questions that fill the silence of the mall walk.

Brownie Bites

2007-12-27T19:13:00.001-08:00

Ingredients

1 Box of Fudge Brownies-Chocolate Chunk
1 12 0z can of diet soda. ( I used diet Cherry)

Directions

Grease with cooking spray, mini 24 cupcake Pan.
Mix 3/4 of soda can into Brownies and cook as directed.
Fill cupcakes about half full.
Cooking time may be about 6-10 minutes less than box directions.

Brownie Bites are heavenly and about 1.5 point each. Makes about 40 Cup Cakes. I got this off of another site, but changed it drastically.

COMMENTARY:

These are the more health conscious cup cakes. They are made without oil and egg. If I ate the whole batch I would have about 60 points. How many times have I eaten about the entire batch in a couple of days, and those were with the eggs and oil. How do I spell mindless eating? Reality Check!!!! IN THE PAST BROWNIES HAVE MADE ME FAT! I don't think I ever really thought about it. My favorite desert helped me get FAT!

Broccoli & Cheese Soup

2007-12-27T17:19:00.000-08:00

So I made this really easy recipe that I took from a Weight Watcher's message board. (Sorry I forgot the name of the person that posted it) It's really yummy and easy. However, be careful the cheese doesn't burn to the bottom.

Ingredients:
6 cups of fat free chicken broth
16 0z of Kraft Velveeta Light Reduced fat pasteurized cheese
24 Oz of frozen broccoli
1/2 cup flour
1/2 cup of water

Instructions:
1. Put broccoli in broth, bring to a boil and boil for 5 minutes.
2. Add cheese. Stir till melted.
3. In a separate bowl, combine flour and water. Slowly add to soup till it thickens.

Makes 11 one cup servings for 3 points a serving. Also, it freezes good.

HOW I GOT SO FAT? BESIDES THE OBVIOUS!

2007-12-27T07:46:00.000-08:00

I got fat eating ice cream and pizza to my stomach's galore. However, it wasn't always exactly like this. I got fat quitting smoking. I've gained 60 pounds quitting smoking. For the last two years, I tried to quit on a regular basis. Every time I quit, I gained at least ten pounds. Then I would start back up. This time I've made it 6 months. I'll never go back because I have paid a very high price to quit in the form of FAT! It's not worth it for me to have to ever quit again and gain more weight. This is it for me. It's really good knowing that with 99 percent certainty. Now, I am ready to add a healthy life with healthy food and fitness into my life style. This is where I need to be. I don't know if I feel as strongly committed to weight loss as I did to quitting smoking. Hopefully, the same determined feeling will come through time and progress.

Weight Watchers

2007-12-26T19:14:00.000-08:00

I joined weight watchers on-line today. I ate fifteen points over my limit. (Thank goodness for flex points) Now that was a success if I ever had one. Actually, I was mostly starved and ate very healthy. I guess it will just take a few days to get used to munching on carrots all day! I confess that five of my points were devoted to my nightly margarita. I couldn't resist although I did take a much smaller portion. I am going to have to start working out because I'm going to want those activity points. Today, me and my son went mall walking with him in the stroller. I came back with 3 activity points and a 100 dollars less cash. Ouch!

The Good, The Bad, The Ugly

2007-12-16T19:43:00.000-08:00

I made a great food choice of subway for lunch, and then forgot totally about my diet as my husband asked me to go to dinner at my favorite Italian restaurant. Yummy!

For lunch, I asked myself do I want to eat the yummies or do I want to look good in a few months. These are small steps, and I'm working up to bigger steps.

Thanksgiving Feast in December

2007-12-15T10:56:00.000-08:00

Today, we'll have our Thanksgiving because we were in Guatemala picking up our 22 month old son during Thanksgiving. My daughter has requested that we have the biggest feast. So far, we've made brownies, cheese cake, and cookies. Also, we have deviled eggs, beer butt chicken, yams, stuffing, baked carrots and pudding. Also, my daughter who is a very picky eater is having a cheese and tomato sandwich rather than chicken. We have a lot to be thankful for on this Thanksgiving in December.

Eating in front of the T.V.

2007-12-14T19:55:00.000-08:00

Tonight, I worked really hard to get the family room cleaned so I could chill out after the kids were in bed. I got my ramen noodles ready just to find out that my husband was downstairs watching T.V. He knows this is MY room. I don't mind if he uses it, but when I have food to eat, GET OUT! There is no type of relaxation better than the food and T.V. Apparently, he has no idea how much I value food and T.V. because he kept watching his dumb Disney show.
How do you spell food ISSUES?

SHAME

2007-12-14T09:35:00.000-08:00

So, I wrote the last post and had two very delicious burritos while thinking about the fact that I have gained almost 60 pounds in a short time of around two years. I admit I feel shame about that. What has gotten me to the point that I just eat all the time. Yet, after reflecting for a minute I realized I feel shame about the food it must have taken for me to gain 60 pounds. However, I don't feel shame about myself. Overall, I feel pretty damn good about myself.

My Story

2007-12-14T08:53:00.000-08:00

I got fat early on. In the seventh grade, I wanted to be a model but at 135 pounds I was told I was to fat. Now I would die to be a 135 pounds. How many times have I wished I could just go back and appreciate myself for who I am? I wonder if I will someday be 300 pounds and pining away for today's 224 pounds. I remember when size 14 was the perfect and size 16 meant I was a cow. I'd sure like to be that size 16 cow now! Anyway, I am starting this health blog, to encourage my journey.